Here is my last post taken from the next  book I am writing. Hope you get some insights in to your own journey with anorexia.

Jacques Martel writes:

‘I continue to see my affective needs as and emotional needs as very great and I feel overwhelmed by them.  I want others to fill me up and satisfy my needs. However, as I do not give myself that love that I need so much and I refuse my emotions and my sensitivity and my child like side, other people are just as hard on me. Becoming thin leads me to no longer feel any pleasures. I thereby cut myself off from all physical sensations related to sensuality or sexuality. I refuse the sexual stages related to my age, being unable to control them, so much that any attempt at sexual intimacy, discovery, and abandon with an eventual partner (absence of maturity) are almost futile.’ (I have felt this way at times in my life. I did not have a boyfriend until I was much older due to my Christian background I thought. I did not get married although I have had intimate partners in my life.) ‘Whenever I feel a need, I go out of my way to fill it to really nurture myself. I realize that I must be gentle with myself. I have to nurture myself in whatever way feels right. I trust my intuition will guide myself to fill my need as I feel fit.’

‘Gradually accepting my femininity, or my intuitive side and emotional side if I am a boy is essentially the first thing to resolve my anorexic condition’. I accept a certain sexual intimacy, feminine and even motherly (for I must learn to love my mother). I learn to love my body and I learn to love others. I go slowly, for it is a delicate situation where I must open myself to Love and to the beauty of the world.  On each inspiration, I open myself up to more light entering me to fill up my feeling of inner emptiness. I choose life while ignoring what others may think of me. I give myself love, the gentleness I need, instead of expecting it from others:  hence the true satisfaction and the inner joy.’

I have really struggled with intimate relationships. I have always been independent to a fault. I blame it on my career but I think it is difficult to lean into my partner without forming a dependence on them. Therefore, I maintain my independence to feel like if I have to rely solely on myself, I will be all right.  I wish I had met my current partner a long time ago. Neither of us has kids but we feel like we would have had kids had we met when I was still fertile. Unfortunately, I had my last menstrual period when I was 46 years old. Autoimmune disease can affect when you go into menopause. I guess I matured late in life. I finally feel ready to have a family but I am 52. I have had to ‘collapse my perception’ otherwise I would drown in my grief over not having a family.  I have to see where I ‘feel’ like I have a family. I care for my plants like they are part of my family. I love plants. I also care for my patients like they are part of my family. I also worry about my patients like they are part of my family. That is the downside of caring so much about people. Life carries on and you adapt as best as you can to the present circumstance. Love others and live in the moment as much as you can. Be grateful always and ask to be of service in this life.

This is my last post on anorexia with my latest excerpt from my book. I have a special on my EFT/counseling rate for the hour if you want to try a session right now it is only $80 vs $125 which it normally is. Hope to see you soon at Parallel Wellness. 4032321283

 

Hi everyone! I did a decent workshop on Friday afternoon. It was titled “Eating Disorders in Naturopathic Medicine: How can We Screen for and Support Eating Disordered Patients as ND’s” As I have been feeling called to support more patients in a counseling setting format I felt this workshop was auspicious. The Naturopathic Doctor who put on the workshop was Dr. Alexandra Sisam. She works out of the Clara Clinic in Ontario. I am offering support in the way of Emotional Freedom Technique counseling sessions for eating disorders. Dr. Sisam talked about eating disorders being a way to self regulate and deal with overwhelming emotional stressors. I absolutely identified with that statement when I was growing up. Emotional Freedom Technique is such a great way to help regulate emotions. I find if you are empathetic in any way living right now when there are wars, weather events, solar flares, etc. you might be feeling more stress than other people. Dr. Sasam also talked about support for eating disorders in the way of key nutrients which include inositol for binge eating or bulimic behavior, zinc for anorexia, omega 3’s in general for mental health and the importance of fibre, prebiotic, probiotics and fermented food for gastrointestinal support. She talked about the importance of regulating the nervous system which tends to be chronically activated in patients with disordered eating. She talked about decreasing inflammation using omega 3 and Vitamin D. She talked about how important it is to have a doctor working with you to monitor electrolytes and heart function as eating disorders can have serious consequences on your health and dental problems to boot. If you want to have an honest conversation with me about the eating disorder you may be struggling with please book in with me at Parallel Wellness. I currently am running a special on counseling combined with E.F.T. for $80 a session. Call 4032321283 to book. Thanks! Dr. Robin Vinge

Here is more of an excerpt from my book that I am working on…more writings on some of the beliefs that underlay the disorder. Hope you can relate. You can always message me on Facebook if you have any comments. I have my EFT/counseling special on at Parallel Wellness right now. The price is only $80 for the hour if you book four sessions. Otherwise a single session is $125. Hope to see you at Parallel Wellness 4032321283

‘I am experiencing discouragement to such a degree that I wonder what could ever help me’ writes Jacques Martel

I have had many moments in my life where I have had that sentiment. Life presents many challenges and sometimes I do not feel up to the task of overcoming my challenges. I did not trust to share my thoughts and fears when I was growing up with anyone. In high school, I found it really tough at times. My circle of friends was small. My best friend was moody and inconsistent. One day, she was my friend and the next day she was best friends with someone else and I did not exist. I was so sensitive to that!  I remember when the anorexia started it was because I had lost a best friend in my life, not to death, rather to the fickleness/inconsistencies of friendships at a young tender age. One day she was my friend, the next day she was best friends with somebody else.  I did not know how to handle the emotional needs of my life at that time. They were overwhelming to me. I just buried them in my addiction which gave me relief for a short time. Somehow starving myself generated endorphins that made myself feel better.

Jacques Martel writes ‘I have an unconscious desire to disappear in order to bother the people around me as little as possible.’ I think I felt this way unconsciously when I was growing up. I must have sensed the degree of tension in my household and this anxiety caused me to feel great internal distress. I remember my Mom playing cello when I was about eleven years old. At that time, my Dad was working a lot because he was a specialist at the hospital. I remember my Mom ‘laboring’ over the cello. My parent’s house had a separate wing; their bedroom was at the end of a wooden staircase and behind a stone fireplace. Ghoulish sounds would come from the cello as my Mom, sawed back and forth, learning how to play it.  I believe that she was in the depressed phase of her bipolar disorder. The fact that she was learning to play a very difficult instrument was ambitious. My Mom was always challenging herself and continually bettering herself in many ways. I have so much respect for my Mom. She is the most loving accepting person that I know. I feel so bad that I could not love myself enough so I would not put her through hell at that time.  But that is what addicts do. They just try to manage their pain and anxiety with an addiction.

‘I am experiencing discouragement to such a degree that I wonder what would ever help me.’

I have felt this way at times but I equated this feeling with not feeling capable of handling the challenges of my life. It was a belief system that would come up ‘I do not feel capable of overcoming the challenges in my life.’ Over and over again, this belief would pop up in my life. This pandemic has brought forward this belief system again!  Hence me exploring anorexia and its forgotten tendrils that still exist like a weed under my soil.  Those beliefs are still there to some degree. These beliefs lead me to feeling backed into a corner and not feeling empowered enough to overcome my challenges. That was a time where I felt I had to rely on myself vs surrender my problem over to spirit or God/Jesus. I was not self aware or conscious enough at that time to turn my problem over to a ‘higher power’.  I did not feel that the universe was a benign loving place that wanted the best for me, that I lived in a loving universe. I was believing in a God of the Old Testament- a vengeful God not a loving God that I believe in now.  And I was not giving myself space and calm to come up with a creative solution for my problem. I was definitely a victim in my life at that time. I was so sensitive to the slights of others. I remember thinking at that time that I would stop eating as a way to express what I was feeling without having to give a voice to my feelings. I went to a psychiatrist at that time in high school. I hardly said a word to him but he did help me at that time. He helped me realize how important it was for me to assert myself. I did not have to punish myself for not being perfect by not meeting my physical needs of nourishment but that was what I was doing. I did not clue into that at the time. My self awareness has grown leaps and bounds since then.  I am so grateful now that I take extremely good care of myself. My sister thinks I have orthorexia now but I am just aware of how important it is for me to take excellent care of myself. Having M.S. necessitates that. My health literally depends on it. I can honestly say I love and cherish myself now. I would never cause intentional harm to myself. I lovingly hold my inner child, as scared as she appears to be or feel. She is safe with me. I honestly feel that if you love yourself enough, you would never choose to harm yourself with an eating disorder.

 Meditation always helps me to connect with the divine source when I am feeling fearful which is frequently. As soon as I sit down to meditate and pray about my worries, I start to feel calmer because I know that I am connecting with God. I know that turning your problem over to God is the answer always. Having faith when you don’t know what will happen in the future is terrifying for control freaks like myself. But that is what God requires a complete surrendering of your problem to God. Then you need to have faith. Faith is a muscle that you must use. If you have had past experiences which led you to not trust life, then you must develop that faith muscle and exercise it.  That is all for now. I will write another blog on anorexia soon. Much love if you are struggling to overcome your disease, Dr. Robin 4032321283